The death of a spouse is a tragedy. Coping with the pain and the newfound loneliness can be overwhelming and unrelenting at first. Even if you had a more complicated relationship with your late spouse, the depth and complexity of the emotions you feel may surprise you. We want you to know first and foremost, that the fresh sting of death will pass, and that there is hope beyond grief.
What If My Relationship Was Complicated?
We’d all like to live in a world where everything’s perfect and we all have the perfect marriage, but due to the fall this is sadly unattainable.
The emotions you feel as the widow/er of someone you had complicated feelings for will probably be just as complicated. We like to say that the depth of your relationship with someone who passes correlates to the depth of your grief. You might even be surprised at how sad you may be after your spouse died if this was the nature of your relationship.
There may be feelings of sadness you wouldn’t expect, and this is often due to the loss of not just your spouse, but the hope of repairing your relationship with them and being happier one day. Finding closure can be tough in these situations, but can be made easier with the help of pastoral care grief and loss counseling.
How Will I Ever Get Over My Spouse…Or Even Remarry?
If you are just in the beginning of your grief journey, you may find the idea of these emotions ever subsiding difficult to imagine. It can all feel very overwhelming and oppressive at times.
The truth is, you will stop actively grieving your spouse. You will move on in that way and find hope beyond grief. However, you will not forget them or stop loving them. They will always be a part of your life, even if you make the choice to remarry one day.
If you’re not quite there yet, the notion of loving another can seem impossible; but I liken it to having multiple children. When you have another child, your love for them is not the same as the love for your first, nor is it less than the love for your first. Some may feel guilty for wanting to remarry, but you shouldn’t. It is totally normal to still have enough love left in you to love another.
There are so many emotions to sort through when you’re grieving, especially the loss of a spouse, that you may find you need some professional Christian counseling, and that is perfectly normal and ok, too.
Help the members of your church find closure and guidance today with our pastoral care grief and loss courses!